UFO, the band

Mis-Translations

*Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notice.
*The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
*Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
*In a Belgrade hotel elevator: "To more the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
*Please leave your values at the front desk.
*Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
*The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
*You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
*You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
*Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
*Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
*Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
*Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
*Drop your trousers here for best results.
*Dresses for street walking.
*Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
*It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
*Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
*Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
*Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
*Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
*Would you like to ride on your own ass?
*It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
*Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
*We take your bags and send them in all directions.
*If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
*Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
*Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
*Specialist in women and other diseases.
*The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
*Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
*Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
*When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
*- English well talking.- Here speeching American.