Dear Abby...

True letters to advice columnist, "Dear Abby":

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence On My VCR?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything - and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months, and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered - I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex - and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
Dear Abby,
I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get? GERTIE
DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting?
Dear Abby,
My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like?CAROL
DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
Dear Abby,
Are birth control pills deductible? KAY
DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.
Dear Abby,
Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? WONDERING
DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late.
Dear Abby,
Do you think about dying much? CURIOUS
DEAR CURIOUS: No, it's the last thing I want to do.
Dear Abby,
Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time? JAKE
DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.
Dear Abby,
I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and he's still chasing women. Any suggestions? ANNIE
DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
Dear Abby,
I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions? SAM IN CAL.
DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.
Dear Abby,
What inspires you most to write? TED
DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.
Dear Abby,
When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, "I've heard a lot about you"? RITA
DEAR RITA: It depends on what you've heard.
Dear Abby,
I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits. ROSE
DEAR ROSE: So would I.
Dear Abby,
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? BESS
DEAR BESS: Night and Day.