Cocker

Headed for China? Gotta see this.

It is believed that Yellow Mountain (Mount Huang or Huangshan) is one of the most beautiful mountains in China. The Huangshan is a mountain range in southern Anhui province (Eastern China). The area is very famous for its scenic beauty, which lies in the peculiar shapes of the granite peaks, in the weather-shaped Huangshan Pine trees, and in views of the clouds from above. The area also has hot springs and natural pools. Today, they are a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of China's most popular tourist destinations. The landscape was shaped by the influence of glaciers. It is filled with stone pillar forests. The mountain tops are often above cloud level and offer views of the clouds from above and interesting light-effects. The water in the hot springs retains a temperature of 45°C all year.
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The latest in the hand watch technology

The Swiss watchmaker Romain Jerome (which last year created a watch made from remnants of the Titanic) introduced the "Day&Night" watch, which unfortunately does not provide a reading of the hour or the minute. Though it retails for about $300,000, it tells only whether it is "day" or "night" (using a complex measurement of the Earth's gravity). CEO Yvan Arpa said studies show that two-thirds of rich people "don't (use) their watch to tell what time it is" anyway. Anyone can buy a watch that tells time, he told a Reuters reporter, but only a "truly discerning customer" can buy one that doesn't.

Hawkwind

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Updated Chicken (crossing the road)

BARACK OBAMA:The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
JOHN McCAIN:My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON:When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
DR. PHIL:The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH:Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH:We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL:Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY:Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE:That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN:To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART:No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS:Did the chicken cross the road?Did he cross it with a toad?Yes, the chicken crossed the road,But why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:To die. In the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL:Because the chicken was GAY! Can't you people see the plain truth?! That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side'. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA:In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE:It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON:Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES:I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cr a...#@&&^(C% .........reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON:I did NOT cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE:I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS:Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY:Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON:Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

Robbie Robertson

Cursed Movies

Atuk was supposed to be a comedy about an Eskimo hunter trying to adapt to life in the big city. John Belushi wanted the role, but died of an overdose. Role taken over by Sam Kinison who then died in a car accident. John Candy offered the role, but died of a heart failure. Chris Farley offered the role - died of an overdose.
Hopefully no one else will be offered the script. The list is long enough...
The Misfits (filmed in Reno desert) starring Marilyn Monroe (died of an overdose), Montgomery Clift (died of a heart failure) and Clarke Gable (died of a heart attack) - all shortly after filming the movie.
The Conqueror - filmed in Utah (near Nevada's nuclear testing grounds) was destined to have all director Dick Powell, stars John Wayne and Susan Hayward along with 91 cast and crew members contracting a cancer (46 of them died).
The Passion of the Christ - a crew member Jan Michelini died of a thunder strike. Later on, Jim Caviezel was hit once but was unharmed.
James Bond movies left a sea of corpses behind. While filming the latest Quantum of Solace, one stunt man drove Aston Martin into the lake and died, another one later hit a truck and then a wall with Alfa Romeo barely surviving. A by-stander had a heart attack and died, one of technicians got stabbed by a stranger...
The Man who killed Don Quixote : Terry Gilliam had been trying for 10 years to collect a budget for the movie. He even got Johnny Depp to star in it and all, but was sick the entire time of filming it, and then there was a big flood that destroyed the set and the entire area... In Gilliam's last movie the starring role was to be played by Heath Ledger (!)...

Rubens

This the very first sketch of Sir Peter Paul Rubens (1577-1640), called Apotheosis of James I and was made for magnificent ceiling paintings in the Whitehall Banqueting House, London, England. It was owned by a private collector and now will be a part of National Gallery of British art (Tate Britain).
It is valued at £11.5m

The Doors

Living in a Box

*Representatives of about 300 Islamic madrassa schools meeting in New Delhi decided that Muslims could not buy health insurance because the Quran forbids gambling (!) They do say they will continue to "explore" ways of reconciling Sharia law with health care financing...

* When Albert Einstein was getting estranged from his wife, Mileva Maric, he proposed a "contract" in which they could continue to live together under certain conditions:
a) You will make sure
1. that my clothes and laundry are kept in good order;
2. that I will receive my three meals regularly in my room;
3. that my bedroom and study are kept neat, and especially that my desk is left for my use only.
b) You will renounce all personal relations with me insofar as they are not completely necessary for social reasons…“you will stop talking to me if I request it.”
And he vowed, “In return, I assure you of proper comportment on my part, such as I would exercise to any woman as a stranger.”

Cat Stevens

Grandparents (wish mine were still around...)

She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!"
Young grandson called his grandma the other day to wish her Happy Birthday. He asked her how old she was, and she told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
A grandson was visiting one day his grandma when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" She mentally polished her halo while she asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
Little granddaughter may or not had learned her colors yet, so her grandma decided to test her. She would point out something and ask what color it was. The little one was always correct. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
When Billy and his grandpa entered their vacation cabin, they kept the lights off until they were inside to keep them from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed them in. Noticing them before his grandpa, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
When little grandson asked his grandpa how old he was, he teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised. "mine says I'm four to six."
A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.. "That's interesting," she said, "how do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants...

Papa JJ

Toasters of the future

If IBM made toasters...
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.
If Microsoft made toasters...
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster '95 would weigh 15,000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.
If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier.
If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.
If Sony made toasters...
Their Personal Toasting Device, which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to a your belt.
If Radio Shack made toasters...
The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. You would be able to buy all the parts to build your own toaster.

Charity on the Cutting Edge

"Obviously, this is not as important as helping starving kids in Africa, but it's the same basis.(!!!!) They want to help us out," said Karla Rae Morris, referring to her benefactors who had donated money (two men, over $1,000 each) so that she could afford breast implants, based on arrangements commenced by the Web site MyFreeImplants.com, which facilitates e-mail exchanges and chats for prospective contributors and collects the money until the goal is reached. "It's like donating to any charity," said Morris, of her donors. "You feel like you're doing good."
So, people, do something good for once and help these poor ladies emphasize their assets!

Enlightened?

On May 1, 1776, the former Catholic priest (?) and professor at the university in Ingolstadt in Bavaria, Adam Weishaupt, founded the Illuminati group, which was financed by international bankers. The Illuminati were mentioned as far back as the 15th century as a group of Gnostics, and their activities were destroyed by the Inquisition. Weishaupt’s plan was to control the ruling structures in most countries, and it was feared that he wanted to totally destroy the Catholic Church and all of its foundations. (If you haven't read it, I'm sure you'll see Dan Brown's "Angels & Demons" movie that is in the making with Tom Hanks) .
They are considered ideological founders of the new world order.
It is not certain this secret society managed to keep tradition today, even though many societies have used their name. I goes all the way to presidential circles.
Here is a little somethin' about them.

Backdoor Slam

40 Things You'd Love To Say Out Loud At Work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of crap.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I’m really easy to get along with, once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a damn word you’re saying.
10. Ahhhh .. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a damn.
14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
18. Any connections between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder…my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh, I get it…like humor…but different