Useful Labels

*On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...a bit late, huh!)
*On Sainsbury's peanuts - "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
*On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine - "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head colds off those bulldozers.)
*On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
*On a Sears hairdryer - Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
*On a bag of Fritos - You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
*On a bar of Dial soap - "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)
*On packaging for a Rowenta iron - "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
*On Nytol Sleep Aid - "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(I'm taking this because???)
*On most brands of Christmas lights - "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)
*On a Japanese food processor - "Not to be used for the other use."
(help me on this...)
*On an American Airlines packet of nuts - "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)
*On a child's Superman costume - "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
*On a Swedish chainsaw - "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(OMG...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

XYu - Djavoli

I'm Dreaming of a Christmas Bonus

Ten signs you're not getting a Christmas bonus:
10. Co-workers refer to you as "the ghost of unemployment future"
9. The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial
8. On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips
7. What you call "my new office," everybody else calls "the supply closet"
6. Boss's Christmas card says, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out"
5. You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants
4. When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under an avalanche of stolen office supplies
3. Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw
2. In your most recent performance evaluation, the word "terrible" appeared 78 times
1. You're the starting quarterback for the New York Jets

Ed Norton

Edward Norton's acting career has thrown him into a number of roles over the years, from scary skinheads to his most recent role, a man who turns green and busts everything up. But now he's onto something else, courtesy of Hulk co-star Tim Blake Nelson. Variety reports that Norton will play dual roles in the upcoming comedic thriller, Leaves of Grass - a project Nelson wrote and will act in. Plot details haven't been released yet, but: "Norton will play identical twins - one an Ivy League classics professor, and the other a hedonistic, pot-smoking career criminal." Nelson has got to be relieved. He said that if Norton had declined, "there would have been no second choice."

My favourite Norton's movies: Primal Fear, American History X, Fight Club, The Illusionist

Fantastic actor, this fella! He knows how to pick his movies, too.

Carlos / Eric

Euro 2008

The Tournament will take place in Austria and Switzerland between June 7 and 29. The official slogan is "Expect Emotions". Check out the group of death - C (Italy and France again? Can we expect a headbutt revanche?)

Holy Smoke!

A Greek Orthodox nunnery was turned into a marijuana plantation by two men posing as gardeners for elderly nuns. Acting on a tip-off, police raided the nunnery in the village of Filiro, near the northern port city of Thessaloniki, and found more than 30 large cannabis plants in the enclosed garden. The nuns did not know what they were and assumed they were large decorative plants.
Police "did not arrest the nuns" (?!) and have launched a hunt for the culprits.

Dennis Edwards

Super-Hicks

If anyone can equal Amy Winehouse in drinking, then that is the younger version of former Guns’n’Roses guitar player, Slash. Slash (42) stated that up until a few years ago he could be without problem Amy’s drinking buddy. "Amy continuously talks about how much she drinks, and once I could do that as well. If I were still into drink, I am sure that we would be of good company for one another", Slash said.

Special Dental Treatment

*In November, a California administrative judge sided with state dental authorities and suspended Dr. Mark Anderson's license, following complaints by female patients that he had massaged their chests to treat a jaw disorder. Anderson's lawyer, citing alleged dental journal articles, had asserted that jaw pain was related not only to pectoral muscles but even calf muscles. (In November, Anderson was also indicted for sexual battery against patients.)

*Let's stick with dentists for awhile...

A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible rush. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."
The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear." .

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

Dentist: $90.00.

Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work???

Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.

Who Wants to Live Forever

CheckMate

Chess grandmaster Anatoly Karpov was turned away when he tried to visit and offer moral support to his old rival Garry Kasparov, under detention for anti-Kremlin protests. Kasparov is serving a five-day sentence at a Moscow detention centre for leading a protest against President Vladimir Putin last weekend. Karpov is a member of the Public Chamber (collective government oversight body) and has the right to visit those detained. All the same, they would not let him in. Karpov must have been seeking to extend moral support or see the conditions in which Kasparov is being held. Karpov became one of the Soviet Union's most influential public figures after Leonid Brezhnev personally branded him the "The Chess King". His reign was over when he lost the title to Kasparov who confessed eventually that by defeating Karpov he was also challenging the old communist system. The two men's personal ambitions and different political views seemed to matter little. Karpov told the radio station he must have spent more time at the chessboard with Kasparov than with any other player, including a gruelling match that went on for four months.

Ribar family

November 29,1943 was the day when Yugoslavia definitely became a Republic or seized to remain a Monarchy. The Proclamation ceremony was presided by Dr.Ivan Ribar, a wealthy Croat lawyer who before the war lived in a palatial home in Belgrade, and then replaced it with humble surroundings, which was quite a comedown for a man accustomed to so much of the comforts of life. His luxurious home was destroyed by the Nazis. All his art treasures, books and worldly goods went down in flames... Ribar was a leader of the democratic party that dissolved the Communist party in 1924. This shows how widely divergent were his views against Tito's.
He lost his both sons, Jurica and Ivo Lola in the war.
Ribar name to date symbolizes untainted association of sacrifice and fight against injustice.

Syd Barrett Tribute

OMG

As an alternative to burial, cremation is no longer green enough, say environmentalists, because it releases smoke and mercury, and thus the industry is considering "promession," in which the body is frozen in liquid nitrogen to minus-320 degrees (F) and then shaken until it disintegrates into powder. For green burials, the United States has at least six cemeteries that require biodegradable casings and for bodies to be free of embalming chemicals. The Forever Fernwood cemetery in Mill Valley, Calif., goes even further, banning grave markers, but, said the owner, "We issue the family a Google map with the GPS coordinates" so they can find their loved one.(!!!!!)

Omid Djalili

A British-Iranian London born comedian that "put the 'fat' into 'fatwa'" who has his own prime time BBC1 show . Has featured in movies such as The Mummy, Gladiator, Spy Game, Pirates of the Caribbean III,...co-starred in Whoopi Goldberg's sitcom.

If you know anyone with AIDS - please have them watch this

In 1984 we were told that HIV was the cause of AIDS. In his provocative documentary film, Deconstructing the Myth of AIDS, Gary Null, Ph.D., challenges virtually every statement ever made by the American medical industrial complex on the virus - including those of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the National Institute for Health (NIH) and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). While presenting the findings of Nobel Prize-winning scientists and leading virologists, the film exposes the political maneuvering, conspiracies and cover-ups that have provided obstacles to the study of this human catastrophe from the start. While presenting the findings of Nobel Prize-winning scientists and leading virologists, the film exposes the political maneuvering, conspiracies and cover-ups that have provided obstacles to the study of this human catastrophe from the start. For example, there are experts who believe that AIDS is the result of multiple factors, including drug use, stress and nutritional deficiency, but that government agencies made a politically strategic decision to de-emphasize these hypotheses and thus discourage certain researchers and their funding. Meanwhile, AZT, an infamously failed treatment for cancer, and now the primary FDA-approved approach to treating AIDS, is highly toxic and can produce the very symptoms of the illness it is prescribed to treat. “Deconstructing the Myth of AIDS” goes beyond medicine and science to question the very foundation of our reliance on government bureaucracies where it concerns matters of life and death.

Letter to my Mother

Are you still alive my mother?
Alive am I, and greetings I send.
And may the tranquil light of evening
Upon your humble home descend.

They write me you are anxious, mother,
Consumed with longing for your absend son,
Are seen too often in your faded jacket
Waiting by the roadside when your work is done.

And when you sit alone in twilight,
A horrifying vision makes you start:
You see me brawling drunken in a tavern
And someone stick a knife into my heart.

Take comfort, mother: that is only
The foolish fancy of a troubled brain.
Not such a drunkard I, nor such a monster,
To die without embracing you again.

I love you tenderly as ever
My only hope, my only desire
Is to find at last a longed-for harbor
Besides your steady-burning fire.

I'll come when buds are bursting in the garden,
When in the orchard blossoms blow.
But mind you do not awaken me at dawning
As you were wont to wake me long ago.

Do not awaken what is meant to slumber,
Do not evoke the ghosts of blighted dreams.
Too early did I suffer bitter losses,
And learned the worth of human schemes.

And do not try again to make me pious:
What's gone is gone - forever out of sight.
You alone are all my strength and gladness,
You alone - ineffable my light.

So be not anxious any longer, mother,
Not warse your strength in longing for your son.
And go no longer in your faded jacket
Down to the roadside when your work is done.

Sergey Esenin

Alice In Chains

Layne Staley (1967-2002): "I'm not using drugs to get high like many people think. I know I made a big mistake when I started using this sh*t. It's a very difficult thing to explain. My liver is not functioning, and I'm throwing up all the time and sh*tting my pants. The pain is more than you can handle. It's the worst pain in the world. Dope sick hurts the entire body."



Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam recorded a song eulogizing Staley, titled 4/20/02

Good answer

*It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

*A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without blinking an eyelid she said,
'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'

*A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a supermarket but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The assistant replied,'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'

The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'

A truck driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read 'Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cab and said to the driver, 'Got stuck, eh?'
The truck driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!'