Things My Mother Taught Me.

TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE."If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

RELIGION."You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

TIME TRAVEL."If you don't straighten up, I' m going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

LOGIC." Because I said so, that's why."

MORE LOGIC."If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

FORESIGHT."Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

IRONY."Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

OSMOSIS."Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

CONTORTIONISM."Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

STAMINA."You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

WEATHER."This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

HYPOCRISY."If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

CIRCLE OF LIFE."I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION."Stop acting like your father!"

ENVY."There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

ANTICIPATION."Just wait until we get home."

RECEIVING."You are going to get it when you get home!"

MEDICAL SCIENCE."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

ESP."Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

HUMOR."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

GENETICS."You're just like your father."

ROOTS."Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

WISDOM."When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

JUSTICE."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"