Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Kids In Church
3-year-old Reese :
Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.
A little boy was overheard praying:
Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.'
After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied:
That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.
One particular four-year-old prayed:
And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service: And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?
One bright little girl replied:
Because people are sleeping.
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson: If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said:
Ryan, you be Jesus!
A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand:
Daddy, what happened to him? the son asked.
He died and went to Heaven, the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said:
Did God throw him back down?
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said: Would you like to say the blessing?
I wouldn't know what to say, the girl replied.
Just say what you hear Mommy say, the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said:
Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?
.
Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.
A little boy was overheard praying:
Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.'
After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied:
That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.
One particular four-year-old prayed:
And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service: And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?
One bright little girl replied:
Because people are sleeping.
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson: If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said:
Ryan, you be Jesus!
A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand:
Daddy, what happened to him? the son asked.
He died and went to Heaven, the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said:
Did God throw him back down?
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said: Would you like to say the blessing?
I wouldn't know what to say, the girl replied.
Just say what you hear Mommy say, the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said:
Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?
.
Friday, July 4, 2008
People or Animals
*Evolution scientists at Switzerland's University of Lausanne just reported that over the course of 30 to 40 generations, ordinary flies tend to live longer if they're stupid. The researchers guessed that heightened neural activity overtaxed their systems.
*A farmer in Jilin province of China had been found with a tortoise that is addicted to nicotine. The farmer, a smoker himself, said he was surprised when the pet puffed on a cigarette he had playfully stuck in its mouth, and since then, he occasionally shares smokes with it.
*A farmer in Jilin province of China had been found with a tortoise that is addicted to nicotine. The farmer, a smoker himself, said he was surprised when the pet puffed on a cigarette he had playfully stuck in its mouth, and since then, he occasionally shares smokes with it.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Soccer Fever Tribute
If you're a soccer (or the "real" football) fan you'd make sense out of these nicknames given to some of the most famous football players:
Edson Arantes do Nascimento = Pele
(Used to pretend he was a goal-keeper and would say, 'I'm am Bile' -name of a goal-keeper of those times, after each save. 'Pele' came from the wrong pronunciation of 'Bile')
Manoel dos Santos = Garrincha
(One of the greatest forwards to play for Brazil with Pele. 'Garrincha' is the name of a bird that Manoel liked to hunt when he was a child)
Diego Maradona = El Pibe de Oro
Lev Yashin = The Black Spider USSR
(Had the best anticipation ever seen in a goalkeeper)
Franz Beckenbauer = The Kaiser
Gerd Muller = Bomber
Ferenc Puskas = The Galloping Major (A little left footed genius from the famous Hungary side of the early 1950's)
Jack Charlton = The Giraffe
Marco Van Basten = The Swan of Utrecht
Ruud Gullit = Il Tulipo Nero
(The black tulip)
Stuart Pearce = Psycho
(Would run through a brick wall for his team)
Paul Gascoigne = Gazza
David Beckham = Goldenballs
(Named by his wife ' Posh' in her autobiography)
Eusebio = The 'Black Panther'
Zinedine Zidane = 'Zizou'
Kevin Keegan = Mighty Mouse
SOCCER PEARLS:
Edson Arantes do Nascimento = Pele
(Used to pretend he was a goal-keeper and would say, 'I'm am Bile' -name of a goal-keeper of those times, after each save. 'Pele' came from the wrong pronunciation of 'Bile')
Manoel dos Santos = Garrincha
(One of the greatest forwards to play for Brazil with Pele. 'Garrincha' is the name of a bird that Manoel liked to hunt when he was a child)
Diego Maradona = El Pibe de Oro
Lev Yashin = The Black Spider USSR
(Had the best anticipation ever seen in a goalkeeper)
Franz Beckenbauer = The Kaiser
Gerd Muller = Bomber
Ferenc Puskas = The Galloping Major (A little left footed genius from the famous Hungary side of the early 1950's)
Jack Charlton = The Giraffe
Marco Van Basten = The Swan of Utrecht
Ruud Gullit = Il Tulipo Nero
(The black tulip)
Stuart Pearce = Psycho
(Would run through a brick wall for his team)
Paul Gascoigne = Gazza
David Beckham = Goldenballs
(Named by his wife ' Posh' in her autobiography)
Eusebio = The 'Black Panther'
Zinedine Zidane = 'Zizou'
Kevin Keegan = Mighty Mouse
SOCCER PEARLS:
*It's now 4-3 to Oldham, the goals are going in like dominoes
*I felt a lump in my mouth as the ball went in
*It slid away from his left boot which was poised with the trigger cocked
*We have been saying this, both pre-season and before the season started
*But as you know, the result for City is not as bad as it sounds on paper
*Well actually we got the winner up there with three minutes to go, but then they equalised
*Ian Rush, deadly ten times out of ten, but that wasn't one of them
*It was a fair decision, the penalty, even though it was debatable whether it was inside or outside the box
*Believe it or not, goals can change a game
*You'll be hoping that this run of injuries will stop earlier than it started
*Ian Durant has grown both physically and metaphorically in the close season
*It will be a shame if either side lose, and that applies to both sides
*Peter Shilton conceded five, you don't get many of those to the dozen
*Everything in our favour was against us
*I think everyone in the stadium went home happy, except all those people in Rumania
*We've got nothing to lose, and there's no point losing this game
*Who ever wins today will win the championship no matter who wins
*I am a firm believer that if you score one goal the other team have to score two to win
*Here's Brian Flynn. His official height is five feet five and he doesn't look much taller than that
*Wilkins sends an inch perfect pass to no one in particular
*Even when you're dead you shouldn't lie down and let yourself be buried
*And Ritchie has now scored 11 goals, exactly double the number he scored last year
.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Alan Ford (Italian)
For admirers of this comic no translation is needed. I do hope they will make these cartoons in English, too. Note: Slow load. Give it some time to download before you watch it in one piece.
Briefly about the group TNT:
Briefly about the group TNT:
Monday, June 2, 2008
Wild Horses
I watched this show about Sable Island (SE of Nova Scotia) last night and it just took my breath away. Am so unbelievably happy such place on Earth still exists. But will it last?
The future of these magnificent animals on Sable Island is in question, and the Government of Canada is considering various options - one of which is to close the Station, ending 200 years of full-time human presence and stewardship. This option would put not only the horses, but all the island's flora and fauna at serious risk.
If this really happens I will officially have had no more hope for the mankind!
Check out the site with more info.
Beautiful pics here.
The future of these magnificent animals on Sable Island is in question, and the Government of Canada is considering various options - one of which is to close the Station, ending 200 years of full-time human presence and stewardship. This option would put not only the horses, but all the island's flora and fauna at serious risk.
If this really happens I will officially have had no more hope for the mankind!
Check out the site with more info.
Beautiful pics here.
Wanna help to preserve this place? See how here.
He vs. She
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some sort people living in the house.
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some sort people living in the house.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Headed for China? Gotta see this.
It is believed that Yellow Mountain (Mount Huang or Huangshan) is one of the most beautiful mountains in China. The Huangshan is a mountain range in southern Anhui province (Eastern China). The area is very famous for its scenic beauty, which lies in the peculiar shapes of the granite peaks, in the weather-shaped Huangshan Pine trees, and in views of the clouds from above. The area also has hot springs and natural pools. Today, they are a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of China's most popular tourist destinations. The landscape was shaped by the influence of glaciers. It is filled with stone pillar forests. The mountain tops are often above cloud level and offer views of the clouds from above and interesting light-effects. The water in the hot springs retains a temperature of 45°C all year.
.
The latest in the hand watch technology
The Swiss watchmaker Romain Jerome (which last year created a watch made from remnants of the Titanic) introduced the "Day&Night" watch, which unfortunately does not provide a reading of the hour or the minute. Though it retails for about $300,000, it tells only whether it is "day" or "night" (using a complex measurement of the Earth's gravity). CEO Yvan Arpa said studies show that two-thirds of rich people "don't (use) their watch to tell what time it is" anyway. Anyone can buy a watch that tells time, he told a Reuters reporter, but only a "truly discerning customer" can buy one that doesn't.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Updated Chicken (crossing the road)
BARACK OBAMA:The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
JOHN McCAIN:My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON:When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
DR. PHIL:The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH:Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH:We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL:Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY:Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE:That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN:To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART:No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS:Did the chicken cross the road?Did he cross it with a toad?Yes, the chicken crossed the road,But why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:To die. In the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL:Because the chicken was GAY! Can't you people see the plain truth?! That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side'. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA:In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE:It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON:Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES:I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cr a...#@&&^(C% .........reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON:I did NOT cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE:I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS:Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY:Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON:Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
JOHN McCAIN:My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON:When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
DR. PHIL:The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH:Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH:We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL:Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY:Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE:That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN:To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART:No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS:Did the chicken cross the road?Did he cross it with a toad?Yes, the chicken crossed the road,But why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:To die. In the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL:Because the chicken was GAY! Can't you people see the plain truth?! That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side'. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA:In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE:It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON:Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES:I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cr a...#@&&^(C% .........reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON:I did NOT cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE:I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS:Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY:Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON:Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Cursed Movies
Atuk was supposed to be a comedy about an Eskimo hunter trying to adapt to life in the big city. John Belushi wanted the role, but died of an overdose. Role taken over by Sam Kinison who then died in a car accident. John Candy offered the role, but died of a heart failure. Chris Farley offered the role - died of an overdose.
Hopefully no one else will be offered the script. The list is long enough...
The Misfits (filmed in Reno desert) starring Marilyn Monroe (died of an overdose), Montgomery Clift (died of a heart failure) and Clarke Gable (died of a heart attack) - all shortly after filming the movie.
The Conqueror - filmed in Utah (near Nevada's nuclear testing grounds) was destined to have all director Dick Powell, stars John Wayne and Susan Hayward along with 91 cast and crew members contracting a cancer (46 of them died).
The Passion of the Christ - a crew member Jan Michelini died of a thunder strike. Later on, Jim Caviezel was hit once but was unharmed.
James Bond movies left a sea of corpses behind. While filming the latest Quantum of Solace, one stunt man drove Aston Martin into the lake and died, another one later hit a truck and then a wall with Alfa Romeo barely surviving. A by-stander had a heart attack and died, one of technicians got stabbed by a stranger...
The Man who killed Don Quixote : Terry Gilliam had been trying for 10 years to collect a budget for the movie. He even got Johnny Depp to star in it and all, but was sick the entire time of filming it, and then there was a big flood that destroyed the set and the entire area... In Gilliam's last movie the starring role was to be played by Heath Ledger (!)...
Hopefully no one else will be offered the script. The list is long enough...
The Misfits (filmed in Reno desert) starring Marilyn Monroe (died of an overdose), Montgomery Clift (died of a heart failure) and Clarke Gable (died of a heart attack) - all shortly after filming the movie.
The Conqueror - filmed in Utah (near Nevada's nuclear testing grounds) was destined to have all director Dick Powell, stars John Wayne and Susan Hayward along with 91 cast and crew members contracting a cancer (46 of them died).
The Passion of the Christ - a crew member Jan Michelini died of a thunder strike. Later on, Jim Caviezel was hit once but was unharmed.
James Bond movies left a sea of corpses behind. While filming the latest Quantum of Solace, one stunt man drove Aston Martin into the lake and died, another one later hit a truck and then a wall with Alfa Romeo barely surviving. A by-stander had a heart attack and died, one of technicians got stabbed by a stranger...
The Man who killed Don Quixote : Terry Gilliam had been trying for 10 years to collect a budget for the movie. He even got Johnny Depp to star in it and all, but was sick the entire time of filming it, and then there was a big flood that destroyed the set and the entire area... In Gilliam's last movie the starring role was to be played by Heath Ledger (!)...
Rubens
This the very first sketch of Sir Peter Paul Rubens (1577-1640), called Apotheosis of James I and was made for magnificent ceiling paintings in the Whitehall Banqueting House, London, England. It was owned by a private collector and now will be a part of National Gallery of British art (Tate Britain).
It is valued at £11.5m
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